87 of #100daychallenge: crescendos

I love feeling the crescendos of life. My favorite crescendos usually involve some moment where solitude and gratitude collide and I’m blasted into the intersection of all the realities. Most of the time one reality matters more than another one at a time for some reason. When all the dimensions become aligned through me, I feel completely alive and in the moment. Alive enough to understand and make sense and reconcile the conflicts of past, present and future.

The crescendos build us up and culminate into one point that becomes us. There is no better feeling. It’s a life purpose and an addiction to be a creator and experiencer of crescendo for ourselves and others. The art of crescendo is often ugly before it is beautiful and completely tragic in its isolation from everything. It is everything in one, yet somehow becomes separate of each element. It is confusing, because it cannot truly be dissected or replicated, though we try. Crescendo is orchestrated and emanates from within. It is unique to who we are and our experience. We may connect with others in the presence of crescendo and it is extraordinary. Yet, in that same experience, we see, hear, know and understand how we are most likely not really experiencing things together in the same reality.

It’s a feeling of finding brilliance and refuge in the envelopment of our own experience, as well as the heartache and love of knowing no one will ever know or experience these experiences the way I do. And, so it must be that I am alive for the very reason I am. I see why I’ve been feeling the painful beauty of what it is to be me. It’s all true, but not for the reasons I’d been thinking.

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Brightly,

Laura

perfect crescendo.

86 of #100daychallenge: vows

Today is one of those writing days where lots of parts and people are coming through.

I am still in the mode of learning how all the no’s lead to the yes I am looking for. I don’t know when I will be able to trust in yes, without a doubt or when I will know how to wade through the no’s skillfully so as not to get carried away or drown.

sunset. lake of the isles.

You are as prolific as you imagine yourself to be. I believe and know this, but it only matters if you believe and know this.  I think this connection that we have is about helping each other bring out those most intimate parts of ourselves that we've been hiding that are crucial to our full expression. 

Feeling feelings is both the ultimate redemption and the ultimate distraction of life.

I cannot see past my own imagination. Of me. Of you.

I think it was yesterday, when I was talking to a friend about how their parents have been married for 47 years, longer than we’ve been living. I said, “That is so amazing. I love that. I’ll never have that.” I don’t know if I meant the last part though. I realized something of my own amazement today. Vows have nothing to do with anyone else. We make the vows to ourselves. Whether we are or have ever been married or not. We have our own vows. Some of them are weak because they are constituted moreso of hope than conviction and commitment. I think and see that vows do not go out to another. The vows stay in to strengthen to provide support for both. To speak vows is to receive your own sound and let it resound. This idea may only apply to me in my imagination, although I have experienced it for myself just not in the context of marriage. The unmarried and uncommitted one seemingly so acutely aware of a vow and its origin and meaning. How would I know? An obvious answer...

Wanting begets wanting. [Sometimes it’s okay to give up and quit.]

I am restless and tired of waiting for me.

Today, I walked in my shoes. I got a blister. It was worth it.

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Brightly,

Laura

lake of the isles

85 of #100daychallenge: confidence

Thinking more about what happens in fifteen days. I am thinking about other areas that I am struggling to be consistent about in my life.

Working out.

Preparing meals.

Sleep hygiene + schedule.

These actually all sound kind of boring, but they are very practical and will help me thrive and sustain. It’s a bit back-to-basics or conditioning to build a foundation.

I am currently at The Commodore in St. Paul, MN. I love this place! It feels good in here and the lounge area is the perfect setting to work do my 85 of #100daychallenge.

I really do not have much to say today. Other than, I am feeling pretty good about life. It’s as if I know that I will get things done and do the things that are near and dear to my heart. I feel like things are starting to fall into place or at least starting to align. I’m not so sure I’m into having things “fall into place.” I feel like everything is constantly in motion and I like it that way and I think what’s really happening when it feels like things are falling into place is that things are coming into alignment at the center of my awareness for a time.

I am able to discern different parts myself and my perceptions more and more.

There is something happening again and always really. It involves the fact that I really actually know my truths. However, it is my challenge to actually act on them. I’m still small and lacking some confidence.

I had a great conversation today about confidence

Sometimes I think confidence is a bit of a facade. We all have confidence. We all just don’t have the ability or the safety to express who we are more fully all the time.

I think confidence is about the game. It can be easy to hide behind. It’s like a defense mechanism in some ways. It has become a means of judgment. When we see someone who is lacking or disconnected from confidence in a particular moment, it is less their problem than it is an indication that others are not doing their part to give the kindness and love needed for that person to be who they are. Or, it is an indication for the individual to see the boundary they’ve created for themselves either consciously or subconsciously.

I don’t think that the key to life is confidence. I feel it is awareness.

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Brightly,

Laura

84 of #100daychallenge: oh, blah blah blah!

My daughter has always been funny and was born with a bright sense of humor. I remember when she was little, probably 4 years old or so, sometimes she would just cut me off and say with perfect timing and tone, “Oh, blah blah blah!” And, she was right, I was totally rambling or overthinking something that didn’t matter. It was like she was telling my monkey brain to shut up!

I started to write some things that had a serious tone and I heard, “Oh, blah blah blah!” It was just what I needed to hear at the right time. It’s true! For goodness sake, could I write about something a little more lighthearted and fun and funny? Could I be a little funnier and lighthearted in the present moment?

I don’t know…maybe later?!

I feel like I have to get some of this serious stuff out and then I’ll feel lighter and funnier. Funnier in some way, not necessarily that my writing will become funnier. That seems like an overpromise...

Earlier in the challenge, I mentioned that I watched Judd Apatow’s MasterClass. I felt very inspired by comedians and comedy in a way that made me feel like I should try writing a bit for myself and performing it in-situ or on video. I have not done any of that because comedy goes deep — there’s truth in best comedians and their comedy — it’s challenging process to write and deliver it. Oh, blah blah blah…that sounds like a lame excuse to not try something for no good reason

Oh, blah blah blah, is a positive interjection. It’s like reminder of how seriously silly you’re being, just stop worrying about whatever you’re worrying about — It is meant to relieve you from harassing yourself or telling yourself a long-winded story about why something didn’t work out or why something won’t happen. Oh, blah blah blah! We’re here now, so let’s figure out how to have fun and fix a problem.

I need to use this tool to have fun and be funny more often. See, this is what kids do for their adults. They tell us exactly what they mean and help us to see our silly and be fun and funnier in life.

The past couple of days, I’ve had the chance to catch up with some friends on the phone, and I am remembering how much fun it is to talk on the phone! Much more energizing and interesting than texting all the time.

I’m actually really tired and need to get to sleep…oh, blah blah blah. I think this is the worst blog post yet. I don’t even know if it’s making any sense…

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Brightly,

Laura

83 of #100daychallenge: pure

Hiiiii!

Happy Monday. It’s a pretty great day. I like my life and I like all of you. I’m starting to feel the end of this challenge nearing and I’m not sure what to do. I know that I will miss doing this challenge if I opt not to continue, and I also know that I will hopefully get more sleep once it is done. Maybe I will treat this challenge like a sadhana and go for 120 days. This is totally how I am. Perpetually, trying to better than myself for no apparent reason, other than to prove it to myself that I can. Having a challenge helps me focus, keep it real and make it a priority.

My goal was to write everyday, so that I was in the habit of spending time writing to prepare myself for a project I’m working on. I work this challenge like a sadhana or a streak and I do not skip a day. This keeps me and my practice pure. If I want to achieve my greatest ambitions at any given point in time, my efforts must be pure, from my intentions to my practice to my expression out in the world.

Do you ever notice how good a word can make you feel? Pure is one of those words for me. It makes me feel so good to imagine myself and what I’m doing as pure. There is something coming to mind that is sounding something like: purity is about having pure connections within and around. It all comes from within. I’m realizing that when I do not have a pure connection, it is usually because I am feeling and seeing myself as deficient in some way. This is an obstruction to my own sense of purity and to my ability to connect with the people and things I hope to have or stay connected to in my life.

It’s funny how it all starts each time I write, in no particular place and then all of a sudden, an awareness creeps in about something. Usually, it’s just a thought I have thought before or have noticed lately. I’ve become more consciously aware of how much I want people to know they are so lovable. This feeling and intention has been coming through all of my life, but I haven’t always been comfortable with it or known what to do with it.

I’m starting to feel more comfortable with it and understand it as part of my purpose. I’m also starting to wonder if love just comes through us to the ones who need to be reminded of their own love and can receive it through this person or that person. We maybe get confused about what love is and it’s natural flow. Maybe it’s just there and we’re not supposed to hang onto it, assign it, block it or direct it. Yes, I feel this to be true. This is why everything is so much simpler than we make it. We have created a role and multiple jobs for ourselves that involve manipulating things that work better in their natural state.

If you think about the energy of love like a current flowing through everything and every one, imagine how it could get stronger and smoother and more expansive, if we let it flow through. Instead it is choppy, overflowing and non-flowing, because we are getting in the way and the result makes it appear overwhelming, lacking and potentially dangerous and deadly.

One thing I am also reminded of is my mom. She loved to smoke cigarettes and eat unhealthy food. I judged her and I struggled to not hold it against her. It so twisted and came out in mean and unloving waves. Although, I knew deep down that the feelings were connected to love. Why wouldn’t or couldn’t this person I loved take care of herself better, so that life could be better for her? Why didn’t she care enough about herself or enough about the people who loved her to even try? Why was this making me feel like such a terrible person when I was trying to be good? What I realized eventually, was that all I needed to do was be kind and loving regardless of her flaws and struggles, and she actually was always trying in her own way. I remember one day, I finally saw very clearly that she didn’t need my help, worry or criticism, she already knew about all of the things she wasn’t doing right or could do better — all she needed was the kind of love that let her know that she was okay and good and separate of her imperfections and decisions. It was a stunning moment to have that realization. It was bright and opened up my eyes and my heart to how I need to show up in life for others. Each of us is already acutely aware of our imperfections and weaknesses, we need more help seeing how we are good no matter what past, present or future.

So, if you’re a child who has difficulty with a parent, or a parent who has difficulty with a child, or a sibling who has trouble with a sibling or a worker who has trouble with a co-worker, just take a moment to imagine if it would be possible for you to show that person their good and acknowledge how much you appreciate their good (and maybe their struggles too, because you’re learning from them, too). Depending on the situation, it’s not always what we want to do or feel we should have to do so we don’t. Sometimes, we question why we have to be the one to do take responsibility or to do the hard work and the answer is, because we can. This is our power, if we’re willing to accept it. When we have awareness and we make the choice to deny that awareness, our choice repeats itself and becomes a loop and turns into a pattern with grooves that become deeper and deeper with each pass.

I feel grateful that I learned what I needed to learn at the time that I did, because it allowed me to have the courage to do a eulogy for my Mom. It is here, if you would like to read it.

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Brightly,

Laura

uptown gal

82 of #100daychallenge: brilliance

@fiveftoffury this made me cry in a good way. I was in public, so naturally, I acted like my eyes were watering while I pretended to yawn a lot. Thank you so much for this reminder. You are such a lovely person and friend to me. You know this and situations like this is how I know… I do believe and know all of this to be true. You’re right, I’m sure she knows and it’s what she needs to know. <— I love this last part, it’s so important.

I think that knowing is part of what has held me back.

That and this…

There is some kind of expressiveness that I am wanting that is more for me than her. I think that is what is causing the struggle in me. It’s a common confusion or projection I’ve encountered before. I’m not sure if anyone will know what I mean, but I understand it for myself. My expression should not and does not require a specific recipient or for me to be heard by a particular person in the way I so desire. What I understand is that it is like putting expectations on that person. Even from the heart and with the best intentions, expectations get in the way. This is also an example of an energetic boundary issue. It is very common and not always easy to discern.

Thanks @fiveftoffury for #alltheloveandnoexcuses.

This morning, I went to Lake Harriet Spiritual Community (LHSC) to see Christine Day speak. She is an energy worker and resident speaker at LHSC. It is always an extraordinary energetic experience with her.

I loved what she said today about breathing, “Breathing through the mouth bypasses the ego mind and opens up the heart space.” What a powerful and useful way to think about and work with the breath. During the workshop, she guides everyone to breath through their mouth and to let it go with sound (or a sigh). Eventually, she begins to bring in different tones and frequencies with her voice, which is so vibrant and resonates with a richness that is tangible.

I’m very receptive and affected by sound. The combination of sound and breath work brings me to a different state. Some of you have witnessed this, so you know what I’m talking about. Getting to a state where energy becomes tangible and has the ability to move me is part of the reason I delved deeper into energy work and exploring purpose.

This journey has brought me closer my friends and family, and has brought me many new friends. Today, I got to play with energy at LHSC with one of my yogi friends. Afterward, we had lunch, talked about life purpose, energy, numerology, astrology and did a tarot reading. I can say, the best way to find friends that will let you be you and lift you up, is to follow the light. Brilliance is what I call it and the way I see it and know it in others and myself. I feel surrounded and a part of the brilliance in a way that has infinitely changed my reality.

This is the idea of what I needed to express. The idea that I am aware of a person’s brilliance and grateful to be a something like a carrier of her brilliance. I think that is the highest honor. Like what my friend did for me today, she shined a bit of my own brilliance back at me and even more, because she added some of her own brilliance to the mix.

I want to say, “This is the word of the Lord.” It seems fitting in a serious and playful way. I do believe that sharing brilliance is a grand aspect of why we are here. “Hallelujah! Thanks be to God.”<— Ha! I couldn’t help myself, again, feels fitting.

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Brightly,

Laura

All the love and no excuses. A sweet reminder of who we’re dealing with.

81 of #100daychallenge: expression

Here I am. I’m not sure what to write about today. There are a lot of things I could write about. Mostly, I am feeling grateful for the people in my life.

I don’t know how to show that kind of gratitude in human form. Energetically, I think it emanates and spreads through the space between, creating tangible and visible connection. I feel as if there is nothing I can do or say that could convey the amount of love and gratitude. Yet, it’s very powerful when we attempt to do something about the appreciation we feel for others. I’m surrounded by people who are really good at that and I admire this so much, because it is not something I have been good at. I really mean all of that in a way that feels like some kind of dirty confession. When I really care, I usually do nothing because I feel apathetic, debilitated, annoyed and sad that I get in the way of my own good intentions and expression.

That’s what I see or want to see at the surface, but the real story is about a person who is afraid of taking risks when it comes to self-expression and putting themselves out there.

Honestly, I’m feeling sad because there is an extraordinary person who has positively impacted my life so much that I need to recognize them and there is limited time. I’m afraid whatever I do won’t be right in some way and I don’t want it to be all about me. It’s time…

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Brightly,

Laura

inside out.

80 of #100daychallenge: friday

I don’t really have a lot to say today and I really want to get to sleep. It was a great day and I’m grateful. It feels like Friday and that’s a delightful feeling.

I was able to spend some time with some friends that are really special and that I haven’t seen for awhile. Feeling good…

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Brightly,

Laura

sleepy, happy face

79 of #100daychallenge: better

Meditation makes life better for me. Messing up makes life better for me. The desire for better makes me better and keeps me from knowing myself better. I’ve been noticing this phenomenon lately. I guess it’s more of an irony than a phenomenon, but it’s one of those ridiculous realizations that is so absurd and makes me laugh.

Who do I think I am? It matters so little, really. Who I am is what matters, but I’m admittedly often more concerned with who I think I might be or should be and who others think I might be or should be. Think about how much more I could be and get done in life without this kind of preoccupation with myself. Nonetheless, it is indeed very important to think about myself, in the end, what else do I really have?

Life is good. It just is. It’s a little bit of everything. Sometimes it’s a lot, but there’s a lot of choice. It’s what we’ve always wanted and more! And, this realization will help lead us into a time of less excess and more specificity.

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Brightly,

Laura

Looking strong, feeling weak or feeling strong, looking weak?

78 of #100daychallenge: dishonesty

This is going to be a really quick post because I have some other things I’m working on…but the other day, I was thinking about how I really just need to know things for myself. As a mom, sure there are things I need to know for my daughter, but ultimately, I really only need to know those things for myself.

I also realized that when I think I have to know things for other people, it often results in miscommunications, misinterpretations and wasted time and energy. These are actually instances of boundary issues. It can be tricky respecting boundaries and using them for support when as a parent. I feel a great responsibility to myself, my child and society to play my role in helping and informing my child.

The funny part is that she helps and informs me of many important things. She keeps me real and connected to everything that I know is true about me and about life.

I’ve become so much more aware of the reality that the greatest boundary violations happen in my thoughts and are masked by seemingly positive intentions such as deeming myself responsible, capable, caring or agreeable. There’s a lot of aspirational and hopeful intention that is actually rooted in insecurity and fueled by dishonesty.

Dishonesty with a capital ‘D’ or all caps is extremely visible and unmistakable. dishonesty with a lowercase ‘d’ and scribbled out in place of another word, is not as easy to see and decipher. It feels a little more subject to interpretation because it wasn’t intentional or consciously created. It was created in the process of trying to be better. However, the latter part is an issue, because it is what allows us to perpetually be dishonest with ourselves. It justifies this pattern of behavior and gives us no reason to change and multiplies the distance between important parts of ourselves and our potential.

Honestly, I am often dishonest with myself, but now I’m becoming more aware. The awareness will either support me to change or it will hover and create anxiety, and because of awareness, I get to choose. It’s not just a one time choice, I have to keep choosing and choosing one or the other. Tiny micro-decisions made throughout the day, either by the pattern (unconscious self) or by the awareness of my conscious self.

Okay, gotta run. Hope that was a fun read! It’s your choice…ha!

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Brightly,

Laura

Hey, my shadow looks like the #tweetybird granny!

77 of #100daychallenge: drawn out

Drawn out is the feeling I get when I start a project, let it sit — no, avoid it…until I’ve driven myself a bit mad every single day that has gone by.

Tonight I actually made some good progress on one of those drawn out projects and now I’m tired.

Balancing all the life stuff is both a challenge and a triumph.

Good night! xoxo

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

balancing challenge & triumph

76 of #100daychallenge: comedy

This year, I have been appreciating and enjoying the brilliance of comedians and comedy. Here’s some of the stuff I’ve been watching/listening to recently:

• Dave Chappelle

• Judd Apatow, Master Class

• The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling

• Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

• Iliza Schlesinger

• Amy Schumer

• Last Week Tonight w/John Oliver

• Sarah Silverman

Comedy is all encompassing. A really good comedian can break you all the way down to your weakest points, meet you there and build you back up. Most of all, a really good comedian will make you feel and think about what you feel and think in real life. Comedy gives me the time and space to understand how the way I feel and think affects my experience, the experience of others and the conflicts that I am aware of, fight for and avoid.

Comedy is truth, accountability, philosophy, education, inspiring, entertaining, political, historical, spiritual, cultural and healing. Comedy is life.

The way that comedians think and write is fascinating to me. I would love to learn more about comedy, not with the hope of being funnier, but to learn to be a better writer and to be more engaging in conversation.

I am grateful for our comedians and their voices at this time. I think they are some of our best leaders, activists and artists.

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Brightly,

Laura

kitty photobomb

75 of #100daychallenge: #alltheloveandnoexcuses

I am 75% of the way into my #100daychallenge. I am loving writing everyday, even though sometimes it takes too long to write and make the visuals and I don’t love taking the selfies. There is something important about the process of taking the selfies and seeing myself. Being okay with myself and what I’m putting out there. There is some sense of honesty and collaboration.

I can’t stop writing. I am continuously writing on the inside.

This feels like an important milestone because I feel like I will always want to feel 75% of the way toward my goals in life. To perpetually feel three quarters of the way there is a great place to be.

I’m starting to inquire a bit about what happens when day 100 of #100daychallenge rolls around. I never want to be done with this challenge. I will keep writing everyday. The format of the posts may change, but I’m okay with that because I need to put more focus on my project.

Even though I have been doing this daily challenge for 75 days, I feel like I am still working through integrating and experiencing a fuller practice. A key thought is that I will be able to continue and develop the practice further if I used the timed approach more often. I don’t like to rush or limit writing, but it is basic training for a writer, like conditioning or sprints for writing.

Feels good to be here.

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Brightly,

Laura

Some days I think: I’m not a writer I just write a lot...but not today 🥊

74 of #100daychallenge: human

To be human is to assume so much.
To be human is to always be secretly and overtly striving to catch up and escape.
To be human is to be afraid of being embarrassed for not getting or doing enough.
To be human is to understand that everything and nothing is about me.
To be human is to wake up lost and upside-down every time I think I know something.
To be human is to hideaway different certain parts of myself from different certain people.
To be human is to desire the freedom to fully either be human or not.
To be human is to conflict with and have love and respect for duality.
To be human is so simple it becomes complex.
To be human is to be love in denial and desperation of itself.
To be human is to want to go home, always.
To be human is to have a chronic misunderstanding of self.

+

Outside of ourselves lies the expectation that lives within.

+

These are the moments and experiences that stand out the most.
”Good” or “bad,” desirable or undesirable.
We are most alive and growing when life is unbelievable.
(Not to mention, filled with love.)

+

Nobody understands how you see things, how you know things, how you experience things, what you’re hearing, what you’re seeing, what you’re feeling, how you learn and communicate and connect best. It’s your #1 job to figure out and practice sharing your way and understanding others.

+

There is actually nothing that any one
should understand or know or assume
without the opportunity to listen and consider.

You are that special.
We are all new here.
Everyday.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

being human.

73 of #100daychallenge: common • points

Hello everyone,

I want you to be more aware of where we are in time. We are in an area of time that is part of something much larger and more extraordinary than a nation’s history or even human history as a whole. This area of time is allowing for more awareness to emerge. We are hearing and seeing so many different voices and perspectives at levels that are noticeably more amplified.

In essence, at this time, we feel as if we must bring up our points and get the point of who we are and what we stand for so that it can be clear and known by others. For some it is not a time to be quiet, apathetic, complacent or meek. For some it is not a time to attune to and contribute to angry, hate-filled forums and conversations. For some it is a time to listen. For some it is a time to rise up. For some it is a time to fight hard and speak out loud. For some it is a time to join a group. For some it is a time to stay home and be with self. In these broader terms, we are very similar in the ways that we choose to behave and interact. Let’s find a little more common ground in the idea that people are feeling compelled to see and show who they are and what they believe whether anyone else likes it or not. In some sense it is all courageous and necessary for humans and humanity to continue to evolve and expand in new directions or in all the directions we can be aware of at any given time. Why? Because we are seeing the shape of our constructs and finding the boundaries of our current situation and awareness.

It is okay for all of these different points to exist and come into awareness as whole and real. This has been happening in all of our known and documented history. It will keep going this way, until more and more people see the points as complementary and how each one does serve an important purpose. The feeling that it would be impossible to change someone else’s point of view is honest and accurate, this is not the purpose of any point in awareness. The point is to help us understand the relation of what we are seeing from each point and the relation of the points as a whole. How does that help us see something else? How does that help us see where we all are in time and space and why we are contained? How does that help us see that we are all connected and a part of something larger?

I wrote this post in the morning, but I didn’t post it then because I wasn’t sure about posting these thoughts. This evening, my friend and I had the privilege of listening to Common speak at the University of St. Thomas. We had been talking about life and purpose at dinner and his words and energy fueled so much inspiration and heartfelt truth in both of us. When I came home, I tried to write about attending the event, but it felt flat and like I wasn’t finding the flow of expression that I had felt hearing Common’s words and writing.

I felt a solid connection with what he said about purpose and writing. Writing becomes more than writing when you start to understand your purpose. Through writing I became aware of my purpose and that I must share it in service to something larger than me and to others.

I came back to the draft I had written earlier, and it fits so closely with the reminders and words of recognition that Common invited us to acknowledge and welcome into our own experiences through “self-activism”. What a powerful term and concept, it’s one that I have been writing about and practicing myself, so I’m grateful to have the right words to share more. This draft has purpose and was written so directly, which is something that has not happened here before. I do have something to share, but it is not mine and sometimes I need reminders to get out of the way and remember I am here to serve a purpose.

Your point matters and so does everyone else’s. We may not agree or understand each other’s points, but that’s the whole point of the points becoming a focus. We need to see and understand that it’s necessary for all the different points to be our awareness in order for us to learn and do what we need to do to shift, expand and transform.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

72 of #100daychallenge: feelings

Today will be another timed blog post. Here we go! I’m going to just keep writing and try to avoid pausing, even though I just deleted some words. I don’t know if that’s cheating, but I think it’s okay to fix spelling errors.

The sun is out and there is something really beautiful about the light during the Fall season in Minnesota. It’s extremely radiant and brilliant. I always notice the sun more during the Fall than I do during Summer. I’m not sure why that is, but perhaps because it is lower this time of year or the cooler weather has me feeling more grateful for the sunlight!

I’m not sure what to write now. I feel like things have been shifting in me in the direction I have been wanting and that feels really pleasant and empowering. Yesterday, I went to Vertical Endeavors to try a little bouldering and go to Addie’s classes. I ended up going to two yoga classes + the core class and it was all so great! Just what my body wanted and needs. Sometimes I think I was meant to go into fitness for my work, so that I could be more active and keep my body happier. I have a goal of integrating a consistent mindset about being active, getting strong, stretching and really just enjoying the privilege of my health and well-being. It is one thing that we do have some control over and can feel an immediate benefit of some sort. It means a lot to be willing to take care of ourselves and challenge ourselves to see what we can do. We don’t always know until we try and keep trying.

Wow! The sun just got higher and is filling the room and me up and it feels really nice.

I get the sense that my life is changing right now. It’s always changing, but sometimes I really notice it and am able to appreciate myself and my experiences wholly and fully. I just want to sit here and soak it in. How many more days will I have to enjoy the sun in my face, the breath in my body, the things that make life manageable and enjoyable, moments of solitude, moments of connection, family, friends, strangers, food, music, thoughts, imagination, writing… I can never know and I’m using this truth to keep me going with gratitude for each and every one.

Everything in life matters to some degree. I’ve been editing as I go a little bit because I’m not a great typer and I’ve been pausing because it feels good. I’m not a go, go, go just to go kind of person. I’ve tried to be and it hurts. I can go, go, go with purpose or a goal and/or the greater good in mind. I always know that I can do better and do more, but am learning to discern what this thought and feeling really means case-by-case.

I’ve been drinking Earl Grey tea with almond milk and it is so good. Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from coffee. The French Meadow has the best Lavender Honey London Fog, it can be a little sweet, but is such a treat.

My time is almost up and I’m kind of grateful, because my next thing is my top priority on my task list for the day. Prioritization is so key. It is a practice in itself and involves more intuition and process than seems necessary sometimes, but we have so much going on at any one time that it can be difficult to get in touch and have clarity on the one or two things that we need each day in order to feel satisfied. Most of the time we are just working to get things done and the goal is to get it all done, but it’s never ending so we never get it all done and that wears on us.

One of the things that has been the most helpful and powerful for me is working with my feelings. Not just talking about them or thinking about them and seeing what I can do to change the ones that make me feel bad or making it my mission to do everything that makes me feel good. Feelings are indicators. They need to be noticed and understood. Sometimes they need to be traced through to the root, traced back to the seed, traced back to where that seed is located to see how the roots sprawled out and traced back again to what is shooting out through the surface. The truth about feelings and about us is that it always comes back to love. It doesn’t always feel like it, but when you take the time to break through the surface, work through the dirt gently to locate the roots, carefully massaging each root through the protective layers of matter all the way to expose the root, it is easier to see everything unexposed, and while the exposure creates some vulnerability, we also see how strong those roots are and how amazing it is for a thing or person to grow itself in a variety of environments and locations.

Time to move on, but I am feeling good about sharing my thoughts and experiences. Although some of them may seem weird or incoherent, it is helping understand what work and care I need to develop in order to communicate more effectively with others. Or, maybe this writing is just fo me and that’s enough. I don’t know for sure yet. To some degree, I do know that I am open to failing the system and the prevailing attraction and distraction focused culture to write what I need to write to do my work and share for those who are willing to do their work.

Sat Nam, dear friends who are reading! It gives me great pleasure to be sharing this #100daychallenge and I appreciate you so much.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

pizza face.

71 of #100daychallenge: woo woo

This is a timed blog entry. I have 30 minutes to write this post. I’m not sure what it will be about. Nothing has come to mind. Yesterday, I had some ideas, but I don’t even remember if I wrote them down.

Time spreads out with the calm. There’s space to feel the fullness of a moment or the fullness of the breath.

Four minutes and one song have passed. I’m still here. Not sure what to write about.

I guess I could tell you about something I realized just the other day. I can do blueprint readings using the principles of my energy work practice. It’s actually really cool and I am excited to keep practicing. I did blueprint and tarot readings for two different friends yesterday and today. I have so much curiosity about what we are capable of, especially in the realm of learning to trust our ourselves and our own experiences.

Before I started learning about energy work, it all seemed so mysterious and magical or like psychic gifts. The more I practice on my own and try out different tools, the more I realize there is no such thing as “woo woo” in regard to a person, a philosophy or lifestyle, and that energetically, it is a very weak term when used.

Know what you know and share it as such is the line that is coming through. Instead of backing down or stepping aside from or making light of ourselves and what we know, simply do the work of learning how to communicate and share with others in a way that strengthens the connection within and around.

This is the message for our time, over and over: do your work, do your work, do your work. We’ve been avoiding and schlepping it off for too many lifetimes and generations, because we haven’t understood our purpose. The planetary body is the macro and will deteriorate and rise up to be heard and cared for, just the same way our human bodies deteriorate and rise up to be heard and cared for. Although, nothing will change on the macro level until everyone feels affected at the micro level and has realized that there is not enough money in all of creation that can begin to resolve the natural sense of order, balance, harmony and flow.

We are at a point where groups will no longer be able to create change. Each person will need to go through their own experience in order to find awareness and alignment to create the change needed. Each person will need to choose exactly what they want in their lives, instead of taking whatever they want and more, just in case or just because. This is the meaning of life. Learning who we are and being who we are through and through, nothing more nothing less. This is the purpose of why we are here if we so choose. It is our biggest challenge and the thing we want most to avoid and deny. In my experience, these are signs of truth. Going with the truth can feel like having to give up everything we’ve ever wanted and knew we could have if we wanted. It can be sad and disheartening. The right thing doesn’t always make us feel happy, so it’s easy to make other choices and exploratory adventures.

The right thing brings us peace. What is it like to have peace? Do I truly know? Do you truly know? Have we any idea? Have we any time or interest in imagining peace? My gut is saying that we do not spend much time imagining or thinking about peace, because we do not believe it is possible. Not even in the imagination.

Now that’s a profound statement of imagination, our reality and choice.

Is it true? I don’t know, but it feels like it. I imagine peace is possible, but can’t imagine each person is willing to become aware and do what is necessary. Create : Destroy. A clear demonstration of why this kind of change must happen within each individual, one-by-one, two-by-two, and so on.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

70 of #100daychallenge: clarity

Today has been a good day. I felt the fog lift, finally!!!

Over the past two days I have been focusing on getting clear on my goals. Priorities have shifted and I was feeling uncertain and unclear, which made me feel like I wasn’t sure if I was making any progress. It comes down to clarity and honesty. Honesty is an extremely powerful catalyst for clarity. In some sense, they may be interchangeable.

I have always been very connected to the truths rooted within me. It’s part of the reason I’ve struggled and triumphed as much. The other part has to do with commitment and consistency, which may also be interchangeable in some instances.

The #100daychallenge and my meditation practice have been helping me build up commitment and consistency in order to serve as a foundation. Metaphorically speaking, I envision commitment and consistency as the bricks and truth as the mortar that connects everything.

Over the past 9 months, I have learned so much about myself, my purpose, values, priorities, boundaries, strengths, weaknesses, potential, patterns, what I need, what I don’t need, what makes me suffer, what makes me thrive and what I know I must do before I die. I feel really good several times a day. I feel really terrible and tired several times a day. I have all the hope and ambition at least once a day and feel depleted and hopeless at least once a day.

It can get tricky knowing what is true, real and right at this time. I’m happy that I’m learning how to work through that process with purpose as my North Star. Everything is different when purpose is clear and accepted.

Yesterday’s solo Q+A session was really helpful in reminding me that I do know a lot of the answers to my questions. This morning I tried a tarot reading. I do not have a lot of experience with tarot, but was encouraged to learn as I go by an amazing and inspiring friend. She recommended Biddy Tarot for learning more. Today, I did a 3-card “Situation - Action - Outcome” spread.

The interesting thing about tarot is that it is not really as mysterious as I thought it was. I think it is similar to energy work in many ways. Of course everything is open to interpretation, but that’s the point — what is your interpretation of a specific card based on its qualities and what comes up for you in the session. Similar to energy work, it is also providing a time and space for you to do your work, connect with yourself and be more aware of what seems to be vying for your attention. There can be multiple ways that you might interpret each card and the reading as a whole, so working with tarot is also a great tool for practicing your intuition. I worked through my reading and everything that came to the forefront was something that I was already aware of, but I hadn’t really taken the time to consider from different angles or with the intention of understanding the relationship.

Here’s my reading and you can click on the name of each card to read the full description on the Biddy Tarot website for more context:

Situation Card: Eight of Swords

Qualities/meaning: Stuck, limited vision due to self-imposed restriction.

My takeaway: The blockage I am feeling has to do with my belief system, definitions, rules/preferences/expectations.

Action Card: Seven of Wands (reversed)

Qualities/meaning: Giving up, unprepared, lack of confidence.

My takeaway: Surrender and face these issues in order to free myself.

Outcome Card: Ace of Cups

Qualities/meaning: Love, new relationships, compassion, creativity, expression, abundance, flow.

My takeaway: Be open to be stronger and dissolve/go beyond any blockages or limiting beliefs. Closing off from love, creativity and the unknown causes restriction and isolation.

I did the prosperity meditation in the afternoon and was once again amazed at the power and consistency. One hour later, there was a great email in my inbox. Additionally, I was feeling excited and clear after my first meeting with my new accountant!

These are the amazingly weird and “magical” things that a lot of people are talking about — it’s true, things do happen and change when I allow myself to happen and change. When I am willing to trust and be open to receiving, rather than hunting and chasing things down, it is a different sensation and it does feel magical when things come to me. We are not in the habit of waiting and trusting to receive.

I really wasn’t sure about tarot and how easily it can be used as a practical tool, until my friend did a reading for me about six months ago. It’s a fun and helpful way to check-in with myself. Drawing one card at the beginning of the day is also a great way to use the tarot. Check it out if it’s something you have curiosity about!

I just realized another practical aspect of the tarot, it physically shifts your focus to the cards, which breaks the cyclone of the patterns of our own thoughts.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

A hat keeps the good thoughts and energy in place ✨🧢 ✨.
This hat is from the mostly lovable + respectable #photographer@pearlphoto1 😜✌🏽❤️

69 of #100daychallenge: q+a

Today, I spent the day very much how I intended. It’s a world of difference when I have the ability to not hold onto everything I need/want to do in a day or lifetime all at once.

I really enjoyed taking time to ask myself some questions and see what answers appeared. It takes some time to be open to listening and trusting the answers, but the best insights and understanding come to the surface when I do take the time to ask and listen.

I spent some time thinking about my word for next year. I thought I knew what it was about a month ago, but today a different word appeared so quickly and clearly…I will reveal this when I know for sure.

I also spent time working on a project that feels like everything to me. It’s beyond a bucket list type of goal or desire. It’s more of a “Do or Die.” What’s on your Do or Die list? I don’t need to know, but it’s really good for each of us to know for ourselves and have an honest relationship with.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

Slow motion aka my natural speed in life, but I did make it to #kundalini class and was so happy to see my friends!

68 of #100daychallenge: shrug

Shrugging hard over here.

It feels kind of like I’m at a scenic overlook and not understanding the magnificence of the view and its history.

I need some time to take it all in and be where I am.

On one hand, everything is okay as is, life is so good and I am grateful. On the other hand, everything is not okay, life disorderly and I am wanting more.

“For now” is not a yes with heart; therefore, it is a no. A friendly reminder that there is more and it might be time to consider the feet, the ears, the eyes and the heart for more options.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

one side of me.