Today is like yay! No reason why really, that’s just how it feels.
I really got nothing much to say. I still got a lot to do, but it feels like fine and okay and not like things to do are in charge of me.
I want to talk like Guru Singh. No “ums” or “uhs” or “likes”. He talks for hours this way. I think this is the natural effect of being connected with intention and being fully present. I also like the way he opens up language and talks about the meaning of the word and the fundamental electrical charge or vibration. We are often confused and unaware of the dimensions of our words and meanings.
I want to write like Guru Singh. I read his morning prayer everyday and am inspired by the connections and truths he’s bringing into consciousness. Sometimes I do write from my own state of awareness and it’s extremely inspiring. Mostly, my writing is getting caught up in me, but I believe that is only because I haven’t been writing often enough to let the threads of thought untangle. It’s also time for me to sit with what I’ve written and work it from more of the directions in order to understand and communicate the fuller message and its purpose.
The truth is that I want to talk and write with my whole self and pure intention. That is what I’m getting at through my observations and appreciation of Guru Singh. When I feel or hear myself say I want to be like someone else or I admire what someone is doing, it is not because I do not want to be who I am or I believe they are better than me. It is because I want to be more of who I am, similar to the way I see and feel them being more of who they are without judgment or reservation.
There are teachers everywhere. The best teaching and learning have been the experiences that feel disruptive and uncomfortable. I know these to be huge growth opportunities if I am willing to do the painful work of thinking and acting differently. These are the greatest challenge, because usually I have to make a conscious choice to stay in a pattern or not. This includes working through the process of right and wrong, should and shouldn’t and why do I always have to be the one to do the hard work or make the sacrifice? Because I have the awareness and power to do so. If I choose not to use that power, that is okay, but then I must also accept the real truths about right and wrong, should and shouldn’t, who’s doing what to whom and that the negative pattern will continue.
I am choosing something all the time. Even at the subconscious and unconscious levels I am making decisions. They are so subtle, I often barely notice I have choice at all. In a sense they are micro-decisions, something like decisions within decisions perhaps, but these decisions have ferocious impact and influence on my thoughts, behaviors and reality. I’m getting better at paying attention and working through this process. This is a significant part of the process of transformation and how I have been able to create real and lasting change in my life.