Home.

This is the fifth year in a row that I’ve had a word that has served as my intention and my North Star. For 2020, my word is: HOME.

In January, our house got egged (v1 of Junior Senior wars) and I felt the irony of my word for the year. Fortunately, at the time I was in a terrific mood and didn’t get irritated, because I was running out the door to go see Oprah! Instead, I remember thinking it was an indication that I was going to be forced to get real about my connection with my sense and space of home.

In April, I realized again how ironic and apropos it is that my word for this year is HOME. Unexpectedly spending so much time at home due to the COVID-19 pandemic has really forced me to feel connected and committed to my home. I have to be honest, I am enjoying spending time at home, even despite the house’s imperfections and outdated aesthetic. Most of the time, I only see all of the things that need my time, money and attention for improvement, but being home so much is helping me feel more gratitude for what is and more inspiration about potential and investment.

I have disliked the obligations that come with owning a home. Yes, it is such a blessing and I love having a home, but it’s just a lot to take care of. I haven’t even mastered the art or the obligation of taking care of the home that is my body. Not enough sleep or exercise and oftentimes too many carbs. I have such a strong disdain for the feeling of obligation when it comes to most things in life. I just struggle with it and dislike it so much. Feels like less fun or no fun at all. That said, rebellion or avoidance of taking care of obligation feels worse.

Over the past 8-ish months, I’ve found my mindset and emotions about obligation changing. I’m learning that what I’ve been referring to as “obligation” is often privilege that I’m taking for granted. I really mix things up in my mind sometimes. It’s humbling, but I’m always grateful when I become aware of my faulty mindset. This realization has shined a light on the limiting thoughts and feelings that I’ve been letting rule me. How often have I let this idea of obligation get in the way of creating the life I really want? It’s a good question for me to remember to ask myself when that feeling of obligation creeps up. It turns out, it feels better to recognize and honor the privilege in front of me.

I have also come to realize that HOME has been more of a concept in my life. It’s a feeling that I experience. I don’t know if it’s a specific place. Places have always felt so temporary. I don’t really recall feeling comfortable anywhere in the world. I like to think that maybe this is how everyone feels, but oftentimes, I get the feeling that’s not the case. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don’t really know how I got here. Would I feel different if I had known my birth parents and grown up with people who share my dna and look like me? Would I feel like I knew my place in the world or like I’d always had a place? I’m not really sure and I don’t need to spend a lot of time pondering these things, but they are thoughts that come from time-to-time that are worth acknowledging. All of these questions have come up moreso in my adult life after having my daughter. I think I realized that having my first blood relative has given me a better sense of orientation and connection in the world and in my life. It’s made me curious about what it would’ve been like to have this kind of connection from birth. Would my idea and sense of HOME be different? I’ll never know for sure and it really doesn’t matter because I’m happy for the experience that I’m having. I’ll tell you, there are benefits to having an unknown history. I don’t feel predisposed to any health condition or disorder, I get to skip half the questionnaire at the doctor’s office, I get to be the start of my own legacy, and it feels like I have always just been me, rather than being deemed or expected to be “just like mother or father.”

HOME has been a really good word for me to look toward and embrace in 2020. The simplicity of being able to stay home and limit social interaction has allowed me to find more appreciation and joy for all that we have. I’ve also enjoyed making adjustments and improvements around the house, because we’re spending so much quality time here. It’s a different feeling to be able to settle into this space rather than passing through. There’s a better sense of balance and flow, because I get to enjoy the benefits of all the tasks instead if feeling like it’s an endless cycle of to do’s.

This idea of settling into the space around me has made me realize how important travel is to me, because I want to get a feel for more spaces and places in the world. I still have not been to my birthplace and I really want to see what I feel like in Seoul. I can imagine still feeling without a place, perhaps even more so than I do here, because I look Korean but I don’t speak the language or know the culture. That reality aside, I think it will be a really powerful experience to feel the energy and the spirit of the people, the customs, the food, the city, and the land. This makes me think about some things I learned while working with Native American tribes early in my career and how the Elders talked about how important it is to know your name and your language and to remember where you came from. With these teachings in mind, I’ve wondered if visiting will open up a connection or if I’ll feel inspired to learn more through research or maybe living in Korea for a year. I’ll be honest, I’m a little afraid to go, because I might get overwhelmed with emotion and just cry the whole time. So be it. I will go, I will make sure to make it a longer trip to give myself the time I need and I’m sure I’ll write about it when I do. What is life without feeling and sharing?

As 2020 comes to a close, I’ve been thinking about how perfect it was that the word HOME came to me for this year. I’ve been feeling like it somehow helped me be prepared and find more opportunities in a stay-at-home world. I’m really happy and proud of the physical improvements I was able to make this year and am optimistic about continuing to invest in it. I want to enjoy the rest of this year connected to HOME. It feels like the more I’m able to feel a connection, the more I’m getting better at creating a real sense of HOME.

I love that each of the words I’ve chosen over the years have allowed me to make shifts and integrate these new mindsets and patterns. Each of the words and their intentions have cumulative and exponential qualities that continue to inspire and expand me. It’s such a rewarding practice and I don’t think it’s possible to go wrong!

I am looking forward to knowing what my word will be for 2021. There is one word that has been showing up and I think it could be the one, but I want to take a little more time so I can know for sure.

This year, I’m even more pumped about this process, because I'm doing Group Activations for 2021 Vision + Word the last week in December. We'll do some energy work, journaling and discussion to help activate the process of connecting with each of our visions and words. There are several dates and it's a pay-what-you-can workshop, so share with friends, all are welcome!

Sign-up here: https://blueprintwellness.as.me/2021vision

"WHAT IS YOUR BLUEPRINT FOR LIFE?"

A wonderful, new friend sent me a link to a beautifully edited version of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "What Is Your Life's Blueprint?" speech. I was really grateful because it felt like such a timely gift as I continue to practice my purpose in life.

Much of Dr. King's message applies to all humans — that's the bold blessing of this man and his work. He embodied his message of worthiness, excellence, and relentless love, beauty and justice. His brilliant actions and words always had the intention and ability to bring people together — within themselves, within community and with all. 

There is great importance and honor in recognizing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wholly and fully within the context, the history and the experience of African American people then and now. Recognition of worthiness, excellence, love, beauty and justice in the form of not forgetting, fragmenting, doubting or denying lives and histories is the message that came to me as I watched the entire speech.

I invite you to watch Dr. King's full speech, because I felt different after watching both versions. It made me remember the powerful effects of editing, context and choice that we all exercise internally and externally; and how important it is to be aware and curious about origin.

See below for the link to the full speech delivered to students at Barratt Junior High School in Philadelphia on October 26, 1967. I bolded some lines in the transcription below the video that really resonated with me.

Fun fact: in the comments on the YouTube page, there's a great post from the guy who shot the video when he was 12 or 13 and how he'd always wanted to share it with his family, but hadn't been able to find it until he found it on YouTube (posted by the Beacon Press).

Transcription

I want to ask you a question, and that is:
What is in your life’s blueprint?

This is a most important and crucial period of your lives for what you do now and what you decide now at this age may well determine which way your life shall go.

Whenever a building is constructed, you usually have an architect who draws a blueprint, and that blueprint serves as the pattern, as the guide, as the model for those who are to build the building, and a building is not well erected without a good, sound and solid blueprint.

Now each of you is in the process of building the structure of your lives, and the question is whether you have a proper, a solid and a sound blueprint.

I want to suggest some of the things that should be in your life’s blueprint.

Number one in your life’s blueprint should be a deep belief in your own dignity, your own worth and your own somebodiness.

Don’t allow anybody to make you feel that you are nobody. Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth, and always feel that your life has ultimate significance. Now that means you should not be ashamed of your color. You know that it is very unfortunate that in so many instances our society has placed a stigma on the Negro’s color.

You know that there are some Negroes who are ashamed of themselves. Don’t be ashamed of your color. Don’t be ashamed of your biological features. Somehow you must be able to say in your own lives and really believe it I am black but beautiful and believe it in your heart. And therefore, you need not be lured into purchasing cosmetics advertised to make you lighter. Neither do you need to process your hair to make it appear straight. I have good hair and it is has good as anyone else’s hair in the world. And we have to believe that. Now in your life’s blueprint be sure that you have there the principal of somebodiness.

Secondly, in your life’s blueprint you must have as a basic principle the determination to achieve excellence in your various fields of endeavor. You’re going to be deciding as the days and the years unfold what you will do in life — what your life’s work will be. And once you discover what it will be, set out to do it, and to do it well.

And I say to you, my young friends, that doors are opening to each of you—doors of opportunity are open to each of you that were not open to your mothers and your fathers — and the great challenge facing you is to be ready to enter these doors as they open.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the great essayist, said, in a lecture back in 1871, that “If a man can write a better book or preach a better sermon or make a better mousetrap than his neighbor, even if he builds his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door.” That hadn’t always been true — but it will become increasingly true, and so I would urge you to study hard, to burn the midnight oil; I would say to you, don’t drop out of school. And I understand all the sociological reasons why we often drop out of school, but I urge you, in spite of your economic plight, in spite of the situation that you are forced to live so often with intolerable conditions — stay in school.

And when you discover what you are going to be in life, set out to do it as if God Almighty called you at this particular moment in history to do it. And don’t just set out to do a good negro job but do a good job that anybody can do. Don’t just set out to be a good negro doctor, a good negro lawyer, a good negro school teacher, a good negro preacher, a good negro barber, or negro beautician, a good negro skilled labor. For if you set out to do that you have already flunked your matriculation exam for entrance into the University of Integration.

Set out to do a good job so well that the living, the dead and the unborn couldn’t do it any better. If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Leontyne Price sings before the Metropolitan Opera. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well.

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill, be a scrub in the valley. But be the best little scrub on the side of the hill. Be a bush if you can’t be a tree. If you can’t be a highway, just be a trail. If you can’t be the sun, be a star. For it isn’t by size that you win or you fail be the best of whatever you are.

We always, we already, have some noble examples of black men and black women who have demonstrated to us that human nature cannot be catalogued. They in their own lives have walked through long and desolate nights of oppression and yet they have risen up and plunged against cloud filled nights of affliction - new emblazoned stars of inspiration.

And so from an old slave cabin of Virginia’s hills Booker T. Washington rose up to be one of America’s great leaders. He lit a torch in Alabama and darkness fled in that City.

And yes you should know this because it is your own city from a poverty stricken area of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Marian Anderson rose up to be the world’s greatest contralto so that Toscani could say that a voice like this only comes once in a century. And Sibelius of Finland could say my roof is too low for such a voice.

And the red hills of Gordon County, Georgia in the arms of a mother who could neither read or write Roland Hayes rose up to be one of the world’s great singers and carried his melodious voice into the palaces and mansions of kings and queens.

From crippling circumstances there came a George Washington Carver to carve for himself an imperishable nitch in the annals of science.

There was a star in the diplomatic sky and then came Ralph Benson, the grandson of a slave preacher and he reached up and grabbed it and allowed it to shine in his life with all of its scintillating beauty.

There was a star in the athletic sky and then came Jackie Robinson in his day and Willie Mays in his day with their powerful bats and their calm spirits. And then came Jesse Owens with his fleet and dashing feet. Then came Joe Lewis and Muhammad Ali with their educated fists.

All of them came to tell us that we can be somebody and to justify the conviction of the poet “Fleecy lock, and black complexion cannot forfeit nature’s claim. Skin may differ, but affection dwells in black and white the same.” And if “Were I so tall as to reach the pole to or grasp at the ocean at a span, I must be measured by my soul; the mind is the standard of the man.”

And finally, in your life’s blueprint must be a commitment to the eternal principles of beauty, love and justice.

Don’t allow anybody to pull you so low as to make you hate them.

Don’t allow anybody to cause you to lose your self-respect to the point that you do not struggle for justice.

However young you, are you have a responsibility to seek to make your nation a better nation in which to live. You have a responsibility to seek to make life better for everybody and so you must be involved in the struggle for freedom and justice.

Now in this struggle for freedom and justice there are many constructive things that we all can do and that we all must do and we must not give ourselves to those things which will not solve our problems.

You have heard the words “non-violent” and you have heard the word “violent”. I happen to believe in non-violence. We struggle with this method with young people and adults alike. All over the South and we won some significant victories and we have to struggle with it all over the North. Because the problems in the North are as serious in the North as they are in the South. I believe that as we struggle with these problems we have to struggle with them with a method that can be militant but at the same time does not destroy life or property.

And so our slogan must not be burn baby burn. It must be build baby build. Organize to organize. Yes, our slogan must be learn baby learn so we can earn baby earn.

And with a powerful commitment I believe we can transform dark yesterdays of injustice into bright tomorrows of justice and humanity. Let us keep going toward the goal of self-hood, to the realization of the dream of brotherhood and toward the realization of the dream of understanding good will. Let nobody stop us.

And I close by quoting once more the man the young lady quoted that magnificent black bard who has now passed on, Langston Hughes. One day he wrote a poem entitled “Mother to Son” and the mother didn’t always have her grammar right but she uttered words of great symbolic profundity: "Well, son, I'll tell you: life for me ain't been no crystal stair. It's had tacks in it, boards torn up, and places with no carpet on the floor -- bare. But all the time I'se been aclimbin' on, and reachin' landin's, and turnin' corners, and sometimes goin' in the dark where there ain't been no light. So boy, don't you stop now. Don't you set down on the steps 'cause you finds it's kinder hard. For I'se still goin', boy, I'se still climbin', and life for me ain't been no crystal stair."

Well, life for none of us has been a crystal stair, but we must keep moving. We must keep going. And, if you can't fly, run. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. But by all means, keep moving.

∆ BRILLIANT LOVE ∆

Sharing this excerpt in honor of the life and death of my Mom...

Thank you all for being here today, it means a lot and it’s been so uplifting to see the love, joy and laughter that bubbles up through the sadness. It’s a pretty good cocktail of emotions we’ve created and it feels good to be here with all of you, really feeling it all, sipping and not rushing through it. Really, let’s not rush through this. Today is a special day and I have vowed to not just let it pass or be rushed. I ask you to pause with me to take a second to arrive in this moment. Take a moment to close your eyes and put your hands on over your heart and feel your heartbeat. You are alive and it is okay to smile and feel great. You showed up for Debby and her family today and in doing that you also showed up for yourself. Breathe in a thank you from us and breathe out a thank you to yourself for all that you did to make it here today.

Breath is often a subtle aspect of life and living, yet it is so powerful in its ability to transform, heal and renew our cells, our minds and our spirits. Not long ago, I listened to Tony Robbins talk about smoking and it really helped me have more compassion and understanding for my Mom. He says something to the effect that smoking is actually more about needing to breathe deeply and get into a different mental and emotional state. This makes sense to me and helped me see that my Mom is basically a master of meditation in her own way. This idea also reminds me of an episode of the TV show, This is Us, where a husband and wife are really struggling with each other in a heated conversation and finally, the wife walks off, leans up against the car and starts smoking an imaginary cigarette. The husband joins her and takes a puff off the imaginary cigarette and with that the tension dissipates and they are able to take the time to be together in that space to listen and share rather than fight and defend. This scene captures exactly what Tony Robbins recognizes about the power of breath and the physical action of smoking.

Today, in honor of the life and death of Debby, take your time to breathe and to go at your own pace. Let’s take one deep breath to send out some love and peace out to those who are with us in spirit, whether they are with my Mom or caught up with life stuff and unable to physically be here, we acknowledge them with all love and gratitude.

[In through the nose, out through the heart.]

In my experience, I’ve learned that death is a beautiful reminder. Death always reminds me that life is real, that I am alive, that I always have everything and everyone that I need and that everything equally really matters and doesn’t really matter so much. Each part is equal to and part of the whole. This means that death is an equal part of living and that all the experiences of a lifetime are whole and worthy in themselves and also as part of the whole. This also means that life is not linear or cumulative, each experience can always be seen as its own bit of brilliance, allowing us to see something we need to see, making us brighter and more of who we are.

I am proud to be up here honoring my Mom, because I have so much to recognize her for. She has stood and honored me for a lifetime. She protected and supported me to be who I am. She gave me life.

Because my Mom always allowed me to be who I am, I am able to share my writing with you, which is an important part of how I am able to express myself best. This is me emanating all the love she has for me back to her and out to all of you to witness, receive and reflect into the world in your own way.

+ We stand strong on our own when we must
+ When we feel moved to do so
+ When there is no question, no doubt and no fear about who or why we are
+ When we realize and experience we are not alone
+ When we realize and experience how we are in our own way and we are so good
+ When we realize and experience that imperfect and ever-expanding are perfect
+ When we realize and experience that our part matters
+ When we realize and experience that we are connected to self and to each and to all and to the whole one
+ When we realize and experience that we are in love always
+ When we realize and experience that love is a state of awareness
+ When we realize and experience that we are love, a unique expression and integrated part of the awareness
+ When we realize and experience a true purpose of life

+ There are many true purposes at all points in life
+ The true purpose I embody and share with you today has to do with expressing who I am, what I sense and what I know in my own unique way
+ I stand here today as an embodiment of Brilliant Love
+ Brilliant Love is a subtle gift I constantly receive from my Mom
+ It is her Brilliant Love that lifts and supports me to stand and speak with purity and brightness to honor her in life
+ She has always radiated Brilliant Love for me
+ Brilliant Love happens through experiencing the harmony of all the senses as one, it’s just something you feel, know and recognize
+ Brilliant Love is the greatest wisdom and power we have the ability to transmit and receive simply through awareness
+ Brilliant Love is our original, intuitive, universal language

Thank you, Mom for all the Love. Thank you all for being here in this moment of expression together. I am able to see and know more of my Mom and myself through each of you and I hope that what I’ve shared has illuminated even just a tiny fraction of the undying, all-loving force and beauty of who my Mom is to me. Whether we truly realize it or not, we’ve activated a healing process by creating this time and space to honor and witness my Mom and ourselves as Brilliant Love.

+Sat Nam, Good Mom+

 

©2017 Laura Peppin, be kind and bright, please cite source properly.