I am here. Here I am. Today is a new day. Sometimes there’s something out of the ordinary that happens and it feels like a reminder for me. Today I noticed that Simon & Schuster Audio reposted one of my Instagram posts. It was a post that I wrote after listening to Busy Phillips’ book This Will Only Hurt A Little using the cloudlibrary app. I am taking this as a positive reminder to keep writing and sharing.

I’m all for receiving and taking what I need and letting the rest be. Not always an easy or immediate approach, but it works better for me. There was another conversation that I had today that is starting to remind me of an honest and important why I must keep writing the book no matter how disorganized or clueless I feel during the process. Even if someone were to try and show me the way, that would be helpful, but I always have to find my own way. My understanding and belief that I must do everything myself is truly one of the golden seeds of life. It can also be one of the life threatening weeds in life, too. Both worthy of existing. More beneficial if I’m able to discern one from the other and not mistake one for the other.

My life is really good. The only thing that really seems to be suffering is my manicure. Haha. It’s so terrible. I haven’t mastered the art of so many human things, it feels shameful and embarrassing when I have to be around others. There are so many things that I want to be better at in my daily routine, but I forget until I remember when I’m in an uncomfortable situation. I have been extremely lazy in my physical appearance. I’m so tired in the morning that I just do the bare minimum as fast as I can and run out the door. It’s like I’m afraid I will just go back to sleep or waste a lot of time sloooooowly getting ready in the morning. It feels like a waste of time.

My relationship and perception of time is frantic and rebellious. I either want to rush through the next thing because I’m afraid I’ll forget something or I feel like there isn’t enough time to do everything I want to do so I do nothing. I wish I could just do what I want when I felt like it, so much that I would be able to master doing everything I wanted based on my own schedule. Sometimes when I have the freedom to do what I want when I want, more things happen and it’s a more enjoyable experience…like this post today.

I really need to go do Sobagh Kriya and go to sleep. i was rebelling against it getting late because I wanted to spend some time writing. Now I’m feeling like I’m ready to move to my meditation and then enjoy falling asleep. I’m excited to keep writing and figuring out what my book is going to be.

Completely,

Laura