52 of #120daysadhana: How to write a book

I am here. Here I am. Today is a new day. I think I haven’t reached my breaking point with this dance of doing my best to keep making progress and breaking down and locking myself away to ruthlessly get after the research.

I have a lot of things on my mind that I haven’t been able to designate as real and worthy at this time or real and worthy for another time or not immediately or foreseeably real or worthy. The mental clutter is not good for me. I drag myself down, I become mundane, I get annoyed by myself, I try to avoid being around others in this condition, I realize I’m not really having fun and finally, I do whatever I need to do to change, annoy myself less and have more fun.

It feels like Summer is already in motion below the surface. I feel the feeling of how I feel when the season is changing. The changing of the seasons has a specific feeling that I’m not sure I can describe, but I notice it.

The way I define entertainment and fun looked the same up until a handful of years ago, but the feeling has always been the same.

The way we remember and don’t remember so much of our lives is kind of fascinating. It doesn’t feel good to not be able to remember so many people, places and things, but there’s also something lovely about being able to not have to remember everything.

Random thoughts today. Writing these daily posts is like writing morning pages, which is great, but it’s the worst writing and thinking. I don’t love putting this out there because it’s not good writing or good reading, but I am glad I am keeping up with the daily practice.

Completely,

Laura