46 of #120daysadhana: How to write a book

I am here. Here I am. Today is a new day. Sometimes life gets real in such a way that locks me up, crushes me and throws me far beyond myself. I see who I’ve been and why. I understand it all in a neutral way. It exposes the drama that’s being written and acted out without much direction or rehearsal, if any at all. Life becomes so different when something causes the awareness to rise up between myself and I. Seeing myself for real. How my intentions don’t always become actions or how they don’t match up with my actions.

Mostly, what I’m seeing and feeling is the personal tragedy I create over and over again when I do not follow through with expressing important things to people who are family / like family. I get tangled up in my own assumptions and I hold myself back,. I feel that feeling of when I don’t do the things I really want to do in my heart of hearts or because I have to be a higher functioning human.

Being human is something else — we all know it…

I heard and felt my whole self say, “I am a beautiful soul and a horrible human.” You can get what that really means if you read it more than once.

Completely,

Laura