2 of #120daysadhana: How to write a book

I am here. Here I am. Today is a new day! The Spring season has me feeling more energy already and I am so grateful, because I was tired of feeling tired. It makes me realize that I am experiencing my version of waking up and experiencing new life just like the rest of the living things and beings in the world. More and more, I am learning how to understand myself and my experience through the paying more attention to cycles of the moon, planets and seasons.

Tonight I worked on what I’m categorizing as research, because I’m reading through several years of writing and making notecards. I’ve read a year and a half of writing and am interested in noticing any patterns and cycles that appear year-over-year. It is a slow and lovely process. It’s fun to remember what I have done in the past few years and seeing how I got here. It’s interesting how so much has changed, despite the truth that a lot of my thoughts are the same or similar.

I’m not really sure this project will result in a book or some other rewarding thing I can hold in my hands. I trust that it will be a worthy endeavor, but the biggest challenge I’ve been working through is that I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and that I may be spending a lot of time and effort only to find that my approach was all wrong. These are understandable concerns aka fears, no doubt. Although, the more humbling realization that I’m having is that I have a very real and deep-rooted belief that I am not smart and the way that I know this is because I am surrounded by so many smart and articulate people. I’m not entirely sure where this belief comes from, but it feels like it’s based on an observation based on personal experience that got twisted in a particular direction and simply needs some untwisting and untangling. It’s one of those “thought feelings “ that has been there for so long that I feel more comfortable perpetuating it as a defining truth than I do imagining I have the option of correcting it. Have I ever truly realized how low my opinion is of myself? What I say in my thoughts, beliefs and expression becomes the foundation of my potential and my reality.

Already, this #120daysadhana is showing me more of what I need to understand and work through in order to complete the book. It’s why the book has been taking more time to come together than I expected. I cannot write a book to share with others if I’m writing it while believing I am dumb, because that will come through clearly to the reader or it will distract them from connecting. And in this moment, I have just made sense of why I have a fear that my efforts will be lost and I’ll figure out that I need to start over.

Wow. Writing is amazing. When I write everyday, important things happen. Anytime I do a daily practice that is aligned with who I am and my purpose, I receive gifts of abundance. I feel really lucky that I am able to write and receive. I am the adventure that I’ve been dreaming of. When I write everyday, I also remember to remember.

Completely,

Laura Peppin