As I reflect on this #100daychallenge, I have been finding connection with the humility and humor of the snippets that didn’t fit. I’m calling them the outtakes.

outtakes.

The outtakes are kind of a bummer, because they don’t really fit in the spaces they were meant to or that they originated in. Yet, they are their own thing of beauty. Sometimes without a specific place or connection means that there is no qualifier or sense of contingency or validation involved. The outtakes are their own dimension, adding dimension to the parts and the whole. Enjoy, cringe, smile, relate, judge…whatever.

60

When I have to do things fast.

I can and I do.

And, it doesn’t feel too bad.

I just don’t like feeling rushed or inauthentic.

61

Ew. Why is being close-up so difficult.

More of a statement than a question I’m feeling.

Taking selfies is an interesting process and pyschology.

Ultimately, it seems mostly positive and like something everyone should try.

62

Feeling the weight of Fall.

I like it better when I can have fun with this thing I’m doing.

63

Confusion about yes is no.

64

This reminds me how we often feel it necessary to be fair and just, imagining pros and cons, and playing devil’s advocate. This process serves a purpose for sure, but sometimes I just wonder if we really need to do that so much. Only because we live in an excessive experience.

65

Justice is not a system.

It will find you.

Times like these

I cannot get myself to participate

Drilling me down

Into my own tiny space

To do my work

To know my own imperfection and goodness

To hear my own voice

66

I guess at the moment, I am not feeling particularly inspired.

67

Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed about everything. There is too much to do. I don’t want to keep up with all of it. But, then it also drives me crazy that I am not keeping up with it.

68

Thoughts and feelings...

Mixed up or just mixed

Feeling feelings is not the feeling I want, at times

69

I bother myself sometimes

It’s the worst

70

You know

71

Wow

This

72

Up.

73

When we hear someone express any words of love or admiration toward us, it triggers a process. We hear what is being said and in that process, we are simultaneously relaying the message to the whole and what happens next is that we either allow the frequency of the words and the intentions to wash over and through our whole selves — or, we reject, unable to accept or believe.

74

you know what i feel?

i feel like i just don't want to be anywhere sometimes.

if i could disappear without dying

i would

there is no place like home

because everywhere is home

and nowhere is home

sometimes i wish i could un-know

things

thoughts

people

parts of myself

things that i've seen

things that i've said

things that i've heard

things that i've done

things that i haven't seen

things that i haven't said

things that i haven't heard

things that I haven't done

things that i know i don't know

things that i know i will never see, say, hear or do

75

I have no idea what I want to write about, but I guess it doesn’t matter anyway I am not really in charge of that anyway.

Sometimes I just need a refuge

There is nothing better when you find a refuge.

It’s really a challenge to write and watch a movie at the same time.

76

Here I am. Just ready for this challenge.

I am avoiding the feeling I have

We live life in layers.

77

Drawn out.

Always taking my sweet ass time.

It is actually usually pretty sweet if I take my time and go my way.

78

Sometimes I just don’t know what to write about.

I don’t like being too busy.

I forgot to meditate.

I don’t actually feel that bad about it.

It’s a reminder of what happens when I don’t do things when I should and the cascade effect of how it throws everything off a bit when I finally follow through or make progress on something that I’ve been putting off.

Right now what I want to be thinking about is my conversation.

I haven’t taken the time to tune-in to see if this is truly what I want.

I think it is the truth and so sometimes, want is irrelevant.

There is something very powerful and clean about that reality.

Take post-its down and refresh with intention.

79

Locked in.

Not by choice.

Entangled in pattern.

Infinitely protected from nothing.

80

The people I have the privilege to know and be with makes me feel worthy and special.

My company matters.

We are small, yet expansive.

81

I have been avoiding writing to you.

I don’t know how to say the things I want to say.

I think you already know how much you have done for me, but it’s infinitely more.

Thank you for sharing your family with me and m.

I remember knowing that you had to make a decision about me.

I know it wasn’t easy.

82

I am distraught

I hate everything

I do not know how to be human

It’s too many things

83

I have learned how to honor my commitment to myself through my meditation practice and this challenge.

84

It’s past the end of the day as I’m writing this and I just don’t care what I write.

I hope I can just get through this post and whatever happens, happens.

I have to go to the people and places where I can express myself fully.

I think those people and places exist.

The challenge is, do I exist?

I notice that my way of talking and writing is as similar as it is different.

When I speak, I am generally trying not to say anything. I’m never certain how much I really want to share. It’s really odd, because I genuinely love being with people, but I prefer it when they do the talking.

Blah blah blah

85

People are important.