Hiiiii!

Happy Monday. It’s a pretty great day. I like my life and I like all of you. I’m starting to feel the end of this challenge nearing and I’m not sure what to do. I know that I will miss doing this challenge if I opt not to continue, and I also know that I will hopefully get more sleep once it is done. Maybe I will treat this challenge like a sadhana and go for 120 days. This is totally how I am. Perpetually, trying to better than myself for no apparent reason, other than to prove it to myself that I can. Having a challenge helps me focus, keep it real and make it a priority.

My goal was to write everyday, so that I was in the habit of spending time writing to prepare myself for a project I’m working on. I work this challenge like a sadhana or a streak and I do not skip a day. This keeps me and my practice pure. If I want to achieve my greatest ambitions at any given point in time, my efforts must be pure, from my intentions to my practice to my expression out in the world.

Do you ever notice how good a word can make you feel? Pure is one of those words for me. It makes me feel so good to imagine myself and what I’m doing as pure. There is something coming to mind that is sounding something like: purity is about having pure connections within and around. It all comes from within. I’m realizing that when I do not have a pure connection, it is usually because I am feeling and seeing myself as deficient in some way. This is an obstruction to my own sense of purity and to my ability to connect with the people and things I hope to have or stay connected to in my life.

It’s funny how it all starts each time I write, in no particular place and then all of a sudden, an awareness creeps in about something. Usually, it’s just a thought I have thought before or have noticed lately. I’ve become more consciously aware of how much I want people to know they are so lovable. This feeling and intention has been coming through all of my life, but I haven’t always been comfortable with it or known what to do with it.

I’m starting to feel more comfortable with it and understand it as part of my purpose. I’m also starting to wonder if love just comes through us to the ones who need to be reminded of their own love and can receive it through this person or that person. We maybe get confused about what love is and it’s natural flow. Maybe it’s just there and we’re not supposed to hang onto it, assign it, block it or direct it. Yes, I feel this to be true. This is why everything is so much simpler than we make it. We have created a role and multiple jobs for ourselves that involve manipulating things that work better in their natural state.

If you think about the energy of love like a current flowing through everything and every one, imagine how it could get stronger and smoother and more expansive, if we let it flow through. Instead it is choppy, overflowing and non-flowing, because we are getting in the way and the result makes it appear overwhelming, lacking and potentially dangerous and deadly.

One thing I am also reminded of is my mom. She loved to smoke cigarettes and eat unhealthy food. I judged her and I struggled to not hold it against her. It so twisted and came out in mean and unloving waves. Although, I knew deep down that the feelings were connected to love. Why wouldn’t or couldn’t this person I loved take care of herself better, so that life could be better for her? Why didn’t she care enough about herself or enough about the people who loved her to even try? Why was this making me feel like such a terrible person when I was trying to be good? What I realized eventually, was that all I needed to do was be kind and loving regardless of her flaws and struggles, and she actually was always trying in her own way. I remember one day, I finally saw very clearly that she didn’t need my help, worry or criticism, she already knew about all of the things she wasn’t doing right or could do better — all she needed was the kind of love that let her know that she was okay and good and separate of her imperfections and decisions. It was a stunning moment to have that realization. It was bright and opened up my eyes and my heart to how I need to show up in life for others. Each of us is already acutely aware of our imperfections and weaknesses, we need more help seeing how we are good no matter what past, present or future.

So, if you’re a child who has difficulty with a parent, or a parent who has difficulty with a child, or a sibling who has trouble with a sibling or a worker who has trouble with a co-worker, just take a moment to imagine if it would be possible for you to show that person their good and acknowledge how much you appreciate their good (and maybe their struggles too, because you’re learning from them, too). Depending on the situation, it’s not always what we want to do or feel we should have to do so we don’t. Sometimes, we question why we have to be the one to do take responsibility or to do the hard work and the answer is, because we can. This is our power, if we’re willing to accept it. When we have awareness and we make the choice to deny that awareness, our choice repeats itself and becomes a loop and turns into a pattern with grooves that become deeper and deeper with each pass.

I feel grateful that I learned what I needed to learn at the time that I did, because it allowed me to have the courage to do a eulogy for my Mom. It is here, if you would like to read it.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura