Here I am. I am here. Like that one guy in the Bible. God has been looking for me, too. Sometimes, I am not here, so it helps my writing when I acknowledge that I am fully here and nowhere else. Although, sometimes I feel best when I am nowhere to be found.

We spread ourselves thin across what might be imagined as the depths and edges of our minds, bodies and the overall expansiveness of who we are. We want to be with ourselves. We want to know ourselves. We are trying to connect. To plug-in and know what’s what, where we are and why.

Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m writing or if it makes any sense. This is what’s here today and I don’t question it or bypass it the way I used to. There is no harm letting the mind wander out into words of some form. None of it really matters anyway. It’s not necessary to hold myself accountable for all of the thoughts that show up. They each have some purpose, but I don’t always have the time or availability to follow them all the way through or trace them to some possible origin.

What’s true? I don’t know. I’m making this up or allowing it to materialize as I go. I’m not sure how we determine what’s true. We say there is a science, but we don’t all believe in science or in all of the methods or results. Science is fascinating and illuminates so much, but I’m not entirely sure we should accept it as truth or code for living life. Sometimes we can know things without having proof or to do an experiment. Speculation is not much different. My mind is so jumbled right now. This happens when I start drifting off into some place else and I’ve lost the thread. I don’t know what my point was or why I must always have a point and feel it should connect to something else within view.

Is it ever valuable to just imagine nothing really matters and that nothing is precious. And, sometimes, it is right and righteous to give the funk center stage, so I can see it in the light. Lately, the thoughts and the writing have had some shadows and I’ve been okay with it, but I also feel it would be nice to move on and away from them. The truth is that the shadows become the light eventually. It’s just a matter of time. Shadows show off the shape of what’s there. Ah, wait — shadows show my perspective. And, this is helpful, because I’m seeing I would like to shift my perspective, so now I can do so.

Everything can make some kind of sense, if I give it time and space and let it lead the way. Everything is indeed connected. We are not making connections so much as we are becoming aware and recognizing the connections that are already present.

There are lots of different connective tissues and threads between us. One of the most beloved ways we connect and are connected with each other is through stories.

I’m not so sure that stories are anything more than just a recognition of a revelation. We love storytelling and we want ownership and authorship of our stories. The stories are as true as they are fiction and as destructive as they are powerful. Point of creation. Point of destruction. Something died here. Something came into existence here. In the heart. In the mind. Out there.

Wherever the stories come from, they are just stories and we can learn from them, but we might benefit more if we let a story just be a story for anyone who can benefit from it.

I’ve thought a lot about the story of my life and there are a lot of stories I would not write about, because they are not just mine. There are a lot of stories out there that help the tellers and the listeners heal, but what I learned recently is that I don’t know how to share those kinds of stories.

I think I’m more interested in what happens in the imagination without resolve or editing. People and their imaginations are captivating. We are bigger than our stories. Our stories matter, but they do not make us. They help us find ourselves from time-to-time and connect with others. We are all okay without our stories. I have a whole existence that is separate of my lifetimes of stories. It’s how I know who I am, because I’m always here in every story. I haven’t so changed so much as I have become [aware].

I see. The masses of stories amongst the collective is sometimes what keeps us from ourselves and experiencing that which we are all so desperate to experience. There are no words. I know what I’m talking about. It’s closer to nothing than it is something.

Everything emerges. Nothing need be created. Life is about creation, but not in the way we are literally demanding it to be. We do not have time to wait and see. It’s an uncomfortable practice and live life. From hunters and gatherers to hunters and the hunted.

This may be true. In some way.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura