It’s day 13 of my  #100daychallenge! The number 13 always reminds me of my daughter, because she was born on the 13th, and it’s her favorite number. Therefore, this 13th post is going to be about how lucky I feel to have her in my life!

I am so grateful for my daughter. I am constantly learning from her and receiving more clarity about myself. If that sounds a bit narcissistic, it very well may be, but for me it’s an important part of parenting to be paying attention to who I am internally and externally. More and more, I realize that I am here to support her and help provide time and space for her to learn about who she is. I cannot protect her from taking risks or experiencing mistakes, but I can trust her to learn what she needs to learn in the ways that will best serve her. And, most importantly, I can be there for her to let her know she is absolutely and always loved no matter what happens. I hope she will learn for herself that the purpose of life is to be yourself, let others be themselves and to remember we are all connected. Hopefully, the life lessons won’t be too painful or harmful to her or anyone else.

Parents are weird. I am one, so I can say that. Being a parent is difficult, I worry about so much and sometimes have bad self esteem about whether or not I truly am a good parent, so then I put pressure on myself to be a better parent. This unintentionally translates to this idea of me wanting my kid to be better or do better, which also gives the subconscious message that she isn’t enough in some way. This kills me and inevitably brings me back to me learning about my own mistakes. Here she is helping me a better person everyday and here I am projecting all of my worries and shortcomings onto her. To be fair, I know my kid is great already, but like every parent I see even more potential in her. I certainly do not want her miss out on everything she can experience for herself or for the world to miss out on everything she has to share. I think there is some confusion about how much I can really help or have influence, because the truth is, she deserves to take full credit for who she is.

If I can remember this and actively give her full credit for all that she has done and is doing without needing to pat myself on the back, I think it would be a shift in the right direction of conscious parenting. You know, she has been through a lot in her young life, more than perhaps she is even aware of, yet she is still so kind, loving and fun. She has joy!

I always want her to have her joy. Sometimes it feels like a fine line between teaching her to go through the motions and providing training and resources to integrate basic life habits to avoid mental and emotional distraction — this part gets tricky for me, because I cannot make her learn what I want her to learn from these things. Perhaps a better mindset is to have faith in the value of the delayed A-HA!

While parenting is challenging in really rewarding ways as I have just shared a bit about, it is overwhelmingly awesome in extraordinarily rewarding ways. Everyday, since from in-utero to 14 1/2, she does and says things that capture my heart. Actually, she really doesn’t have to say or do anything to capture my heart. I do think seeing her in her experience and participating amplifies what I feel for her and how grateful I am to be a part of her world. I hope that she can forgive me for the mistakes I make and see through them, the love that is always there for her.

All the love, buddy...I am the luckiest mom ever! 

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura