I’ve got one true thing to say: it’s a daily challenge to be honest in writing that will eventually become reading. I like to write letters or emails, because I feel more at ease when I know who my audience is and that they know me.

I feel like I don’t really have anything to say today. I’m tired because I stayed up too late several nights in a row and am looking forward to reading and going to sleep soon.

This daily writing challenge, along with my daily meditation practice, is so helpful in putting the day into context and taking some time to feel grateful. I’ve been receiving nice messages from several people and it really means a lot.

It doesn’t always feel comfortable and fun to share on social media and it really does create an impulse to want to see if what I’m putting out there is worthy. This impulse is humbling, but it is serving its purpose by turning me back on myself to reconnect with staying in the process of doing my work. I never really know what the blog post will be about or what the visual art will be until it’s here. Every time, it feels like starting from nothing. I worry about whether or not it will be interesting or good, but I never worry about whether or not I’m going to follow through.

That commitment is important. It’s like the plug is plugged in and once I find the switch something will light up. Doesn’t need to be mind-blowing or information-rich. It just needs to be real. There’s a different sensation when the writing is just writing at the surface level, it’s like clear gloss smearing all around a sheet of glass from one thing to the next, but there is no depth or connection.

The sensation of plugged-in writing feels like my head is a video camera panning and observing what’s in the frame, and describing the shot. Sometimes the camera is stationary and different things come into the shot. Today, it felt like the camera started off stationary for some establishing shots and then it began to pan toward subjects and visuals that allowed the story to continue to flow. 

This sense of my head acting like a video camera is something I became more aware of a couple of years ago. I am learning to understand how it works.

I’ve had times when I find myself staring off into a direction for no apparent reason, and usually I snap myself out of it pretty quickly or someone else does. One day, I was at the office and I found myself staring out the window in a direction and I could sense that someone was walking in my direction, so I started to snap out of it and internally wondered why I was looking out there for no reason. As I turned to walk away, I realized I was staring at the gas station and suddenly I remembered that I absolutely had to get gas there before I got on the freeway to head home or I’d be stranded during rush hour. This was an experience with the awareness. The awareness is that sixth sense or intuition that we can tune-in to and it is amazing how it can help us in practical ways in our daily experiences.

I’ve been paying more attention more often, though not always, because of distraction or busyness. One day, I was putting my shoes on before heading out the door, but for some reason a different pair caught my eye and I had the quick thought that they would be better if it rained. Ignored that thought and dashed out the door without checking the weather or switching shoes, just in case. Yes, it rained that day.

This is something you might actually want to play around with for yourself. A couple of things that I have noticed about how the awareness operates the camera might be of interest to you.

• We are generally moving too fast, so it does a slow pan in an attempt to get us to tune-in to the frame.

• Sometimes it feels like I’m “spacing out” or in a “stare” while the panning action is happening and this is because I’m not running the camera like I usually am.

What’s in the frame? Where is the lens finding its focus — inward or outward? What are you noticing? Why?

While writing this evening, I am noticing that it is really important for me to admit when I’m not feeling what I’m doing. As soon as I admit that, it’s almost like I’m calling the awareness in for help, because I can’t operate the equipment right now. This is something interesting that I wasn’t planning to share, but it feels worthy and important to share. I’d love to hear your stories, and if you're enjoying any or all of this, please share with your friends, family and co-workers.

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold. 

Brightly,

Laura